Blogs and Papers

For the first time since I don't know when I presented three pieces of writing at the first ever 'Deaf Together' event held at Chapter Arts Centre in Cardiff.  There is something quite liberating about being part of a mass of Deaf people and our allies to celebrate and explore our shared cultures and identity. Jonny Cotsen working with the Co Director at Chapter, Hannah Firth, put together a two year research and development project, funded by Arts Council of Wales called 'Hear We Are.'  This has been immensely important work for Deaf artists and those who participate in any arts ands cultural activities to explore what it means to be Deaf in Wales today and what needs to change to ensure we have our rights alongside other citizens.  Sadly, it's not the case.

Wales has made great strides going forward with declarations and promises - yet none have been fulfilled. A talk by Dr Rob Wilkes, set out the very sad state of affairs.  The will to change is there - but the actions to make them happen are yet to be.  Our Deaf young people are still not being supported any many who want to progress careers move to England and very rarely return. We need to acknowledge the Sign Language is a language in own right  and develop a Wlaes Sign Language Act to enforce  it is being fully supported throughout our nation. We need a Deaf Commissioner to help implement change throughout society from cradle to grave and acknowledge the remarkable linguistic community that has been in our land for hundreds of years. We have work to do....

Back to me - when  was asked to present some work I wanted to capture the journey I have been on as a deaf person and how most of my early years were negative ones.  Finding my 'tribe' aka Deaf and disabled activists, gave me the encouragement I so sadly lacked.  I am so proud of the opportunities that have come my way and now in a semi retirement position I have time to reflect.  So forgive my self indulgence as I share my first piece named 'Borderline' - it is written deliberately to be signed as spoken - which I am so pleased to say I did and was so supported by many in the room.

I am deaf with a small 'd'.

Aged six first hearing aid- a box with a wire to my ear.

I was in mainstream school, where is was decided I should stay as I was 'borderline'.

Borderline means 'marginal'

Which means 'minor'

Which means 'insignificant'.

If I was asked then what I know now - my six year old self could tell them

I have constant humming noises in my ears which never goes away.

I have no understanding of what is being said if it is more than 5feet away.

My sounds don't make sense - supposed words are a jumble.

I can't follow songs as the words don't work .

I have piercing pitch noises that are triggered by constant hearing tests, sirens, screams and shouts.

I don't understand what my school friends say to me, especially when I am once again being taunted and pushed around.

My ears drip and leak due to the pressure of the moulds - this alters from itching, pain and aches.

Aged 10 - new aids- behind the ears. Teachers say, 'now no one can see.'

I hate them - they hurt. I am threatened with a caning unless I wear them.

Everyone makes me feel I am deficit , wrong and

Stupid: Stupid: Stupid.

Aged 11 big school - humiliation when staff letter is seen by class mates, informing my teachers to sit me at the front as I am deaf - with a small 'd'.

Shame. Isolation.

Stupid:  Stupid: Stupid

Aged 18 career choices limited.  I am a risk - borderline shifted?

Drifting, alone until

Pregnancy.

At Clinic told I would be 'irresponsible to continue as the child may be born DEAF'.

Focus - I am deaf [ with a small 'd'] and I don't think I should have been killed.

A family. Discovering the arts; gaining a voice [ literally], finding a way forward to be in a deaf world, my way of engaging and gaining new 'D' Deaf friends.

But I am still borderline - small 'd'. My lived experiences are not yours.

I am on the edge of your world, marginal, minor, insignificant? Still outside , isolated.

Refocus. Signs with sounds make sense.  My deaf voice is embraced, my views answered, my choice to accept and be accepted.

I communicate with all of my being: hands, face, body and voice.

Aged 60 - I am strong, a leader, a mother, a lover and I am deaf with a progressively large 'D'.